Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
