She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
