I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
