i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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