Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
