Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize