He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
