I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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