i just wanna soil my oats bro
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
