What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
