The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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