Someone shit on the floor
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
