Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
