I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
