So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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