I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize