If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
