yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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