I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize