Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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