i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So apparently I’m into choking now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
