I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dating After Heartbreak
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking