I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
