i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.