I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree