If i come over, it means nothing
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Banned from zoo.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.