My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
