only if we run a train.
done.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
is that a dick in a sweater?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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