i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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