i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
