It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
