Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
