You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
