I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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