I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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