At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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