well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
