Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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