I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon