just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.