Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5485) Bad night (1073)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

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  (214): they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids. http://tfl.nu/ux66
  Replies (18) Good night (958) Bad night (2561) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.

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  (405): Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever. http://tfl.nu/hc2j
  Replies (47) Good night (5057) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

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  (701): The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out. (406): And we all know God doesn't like sinners. (701): Amen. http://tfl.nu/nq0i
  Replies (14) Good night (6432) Bad night (619)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.

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  (616): I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico. http://tfl.nu/ms4f
  Replies (8) Good night (4901) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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  (303): Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog? http://tfl.nu/kw07
  Replies (13) Good night (1688) Bad night (2566) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.

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  (303): If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else. http://tfl.nu/1lnu
  Replies (7) Good night (880) Bad night (2251) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring

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  (931): Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring http://tfl.nu/mtnj
  Replies (2) Good night (1134) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.

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  (601): I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?" (601): Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success. http://tfl.nu/blht
  Replies (5) Good night (1848) Bad night (485)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?

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  (+44): You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman? http://tfl.nu/pxap
  Replies (1) Good night (912) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka

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  (404): Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka http://tfl.nu/m383
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.

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  (215): it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target. http://tfl.nu/jyhf
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.

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  (347): In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well. http://tfl.nu/gd78
  Replies (5) Good night (694) Bad night (392)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.

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  (618): I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great. http://tfl.nu/nq71
  Replies (3) Good night (414) Bad night (190)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?

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  (712): There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life? http://tfl.nu/al5z
  Replies (6) Good night (47) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt

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