Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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