i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
