I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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