i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
