She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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