A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
