U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
