i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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