I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
