Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
