he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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