For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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