I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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