Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
