she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
