I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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