the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
