and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In the future we'll all be gay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
