I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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