Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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