I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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