i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
