Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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