Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
