I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
