What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
