And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
