I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
