I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She bit a glass in half.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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