I could make wine with my vomit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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