No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
