somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
