roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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