hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
