Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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