But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
