did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
