my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
