the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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