Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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