No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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