a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize