Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
